So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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