Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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