Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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