the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
