I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
