I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
