I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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