She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
