he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
