I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
