Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
