Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
