great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
