We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
