If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
