Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
