My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
