my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize