The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize