it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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