is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
