if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
