You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
