It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
