We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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