i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
