i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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