nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
