i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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