Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
