It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
