Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
