Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
