Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Found the puke drawer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
