and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dignity is for republicans.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
