She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
