dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize