i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
