He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
