I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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