you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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