I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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