I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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