You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
