It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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