you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
