Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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