Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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