Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
