I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
