im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
a search helicopter?!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
