shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
