apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
