Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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