"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did i walk over a car last night?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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