I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
