What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
