Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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