i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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