No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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