Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think i got beer on your cat.
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